By Tapline Staff While everyone endured their fair share of hardships during 2020, there is no denying the heavy toll the online dating singles community took on throughout this total cum-block of a year. As if it was hard enough to convince total strangers to meet up with you after an exchange of messages confirming each other’s affinity for Death Cab For Cutie, 2020 mostly eliminated the preferred setting for conducting these seductive summits fueled […]
By Sabrina Balina For a lot of us, 2020 was a year that just seemed to keep getting worse and worse as time dragged on. The defining theme for this year could be whittled down to one word: loss. We lost our jobs, we lost our friends, we lost our family, we lost our passions, hobbies, goals; we lost our overall faith in humanity. But while over 300,000 Americans lost their lives due to COVID-19 […]
By Abigail Gibson Minneapolis Mayor Jacob Frey sure was a man of many faces this year! It seemed like that little baby faced rascal was everywhere this summer. Whether it was flashing those sprightly dimples, or giving the camera a little disappointed-dad frown; you never knew what face Frey would whip up next! One of my favorite hobbies this year was cutting out Jacob Frey’s face in every newspaper I’d find it in and glue […]
By Jenny Hitherstorm When we’ll look back on the chaotic year that was 2020, one of the biggest takeaways we’ll walk away with is how many Birthday Clowns we lost this year. According to the U.S. Department of Labor, the United States endures an average of nearly 400 Birthday Clown deaths every year, citing electrocution, auto-asphyxiation, and vehicular manslaughter as the most common causes of fatality. However, 2020 saw a significant spike in Birthday Clown […]
By Conway Diddle 2020. What a year to consume massive quantities of craft beer, aye?? What a year to just lose your job, watch your marriage crumble before your very eyes, sense the loss of admiration your children once possessed toward you, and numb your pain with just about anything that has the words ‘double dry-hopped’ in the title and contains grotesquely high ABV percentages! What an incredible period of time to start a niche […]
By Abe Sizemore You’re a parent. You got bills to pay, soccer practices to drive to, disgusting finger paintings to hang on the fridge; just constant bullshit to deal with! While we’re legally obligated love our little ones, the truth is that it’s extremely difficult not to just smack these little shits sideways whenever they start balling’ their eyes out in the Long John Silvers’ dining room because they (in whining child-mocking voice) ‘don’t WANT […]
By Conway Diddle ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL??? YAAAAYYYYYY!!!! Football baby!! You got that football fever, don’t cha?? You betcha, huh?? We love the football, we love the handing off to the running back, the punts off the foot, the suspenseful unit measurements, the nachos that cost more money than usual and are just plain tortilla chips and cheese semen, the women in the purple skirts and titty costumes who shake their body parts […]
By Jimmy ‘Two Chin’ Chamberlain Prison. We all wind up there eventually. Whether it’s tampering with the neighbor’s mail, burning down daycare centers, or just committing good old fashioned manslaughter, one thing’s for sure: We sure miss our craft beer when we’re locked up behind bars. It’s unfortunate that only when we’re deprived of our favorite majestic, hoppy flavors do we really appreciate the value of our freedom to drink craft. Nothing keeps a convict […]
By Donna Dooper Winter is coming! (Game of Thrones reference) Which means ‘tis the season for staying inside, drinking beer, and watching movies because it’s too dang cold to do those things outside!! According to the National Institute of Mental Health, millions of American adults suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD… Get it?!?), and is generally more common with people living in Northern, colder climates during the winter season. General side effects for those who […]
By Ava Devana Alright gang, time for a little Drink, Chug, Fuck! The rules are simple: I give you three beers, and you gotta choose which one you wanna drink, chug, or fuck. Now I’m sure you’re reading this going, ‘Okay.. Drink, Chug, Fuck, that doesn’t sound too hard, lay it on me Ava!’ Well how bout you shut the fuck up right there and just LISTEN TO ME!!! Jesus fucking Christ, this isn’t as […]
By Frank Lippy If you’re a cool person and have had sex before, chances are you’ve probably heard of the Grammy Award-winning American Pop Rock band Imagine Dragons. They’re really catchy and they’re super into chanting. Also, if you’re a cool person who pulls in over 60K a year and has seen boobs or cocks other than your own in the past two weeks, odds are you drink craft beer. Kinda makes sense that we […]
By Helga Pataki Lemme guess. You’re an alcoholic? Yeah, me too. Sucks, right? Just fucking wish I could… Live a normal life, you know?! Like… Fucking go for a walk, or read a book, or cook something other than Cheeseburger Hot Pockets. But I can’t… Cause I’m always fucking drunk as shit. Everyday I wake up, hit the Peach Schnapps, pour some Stoli Raz into a coffee thermos, take the bus to work, talk to […]
By Lance Sampson OOOOOOOOOOH YEEEEAAAAAAAAAAH, ALONE BEER CRUSHING TIME!!! AOW AOW!!! HONKA HONKA!!! AAARRRROOOOOOGGGGGGAAAAAH!!! Mmm, fuck yeah, I dunno about you guys, but I fucking LOVE crushing beers alone. Just cracking open a sampler pack, tilting your head back, opening up your throat, and letting that ice cold, hoppy goodness cascade its way down your throat, like an edible waterfall that fucks you up, AOW AOW!!!! FUCK ME, JESUS CHRIST, THAT’S WHAT I LIVE FOR!!!! […]
By Shelley Mullenberg Dating. It’s fun, right?! We whip out our phones, we click on our apps, we swipe through pictures of people, contemplate whether we’d fuck ‘em or not, decide we would fuck them, we match, we message, we meet up, we chit chat, then, you know… We either bang ‘em, or we don’t! You never know what can happen, right? But hey! That’s why it’s fun! Banging strangers, then just going about our […]
By Tanner Jankum Bars, breweries, the St. Louis Park Chili’s where Tiffany bartends on Tuesday, Thursday, and Sunday nights; nothing beats hanging out in a lively environment, sipping some suds with your buds, and simply soaking in a vibrant ambiance. But is it really the tap beer lineup that keeps us coming back for more? Do you honestly think it’s the boneless mango habanero wings that keep calling your name to the Buffalo Wild Wings […]
By Tapline Staff. As we find ourselves nearing the conclusion of the dog days of what can only be described as one-giant-kidney-stone-of-a-summer, us craft connoisseurs have had to be craftier than ever when it comes to seeking solace with the sudsy elixir we commonly refer to as ‘beer’. Distant seem the times where we’d gather by the dozen and rejoice our affection toward the divine creation of this yeast-fermented malty concoction, replaced by the mandated […]
By Conway Diddle. Ahh, beer. Nothing quite like it, aye? You love beer, we love beer, that’s why we devote countless time and energy into writing about it, and you allocate precious money and effort into consuming and researching it. So who fucking gives a shit if some random brewery starts paying us to promote some of their under-selling beers on our influential media platform? Hmm? I mean, win-win, right? We get a little cold […]
By Linda Bloomie. It’s no secret that 2020 has been one of the most, if not the most, devastating, taxing, and traumatizing years in American history. The term ‘unprecedented’ fails to even capture how trying it’s been for us citizens to navigate our ways through a global pandemic, civil uprising, and the postponement of James Taylor and Jackson Browne’s world tour. But while Americans of all walks of life have been impacted by the instabilities […]
By Tapline Staff. We here at The Tapline go to great lengths to label ourselves as the craft connoisseurs you’ve come to know and trust. It takes a lot of time, energy, and money to overly consume all the beer produced by the hundreds of microbreweries located all around the state, all in an effort to provide our readers with the most authoritative, esteemed, and respected voice on all things craft beer. We tend to […]
By Kenny Kimball. David Lewis – Bombastic Brewing “Yeah, shit’s pretty crazy right now, that’s for sure. I don’t know, seems like things are getting pretty crazy out there, huh? Yeah… Damn.” Dave Witherspoon – Hoops Brewing “I think no matter who you are, we’re all going through tough times right now. But I think if we all just hang in there and ride this thing through, um… Better.. Better days are on the horizon, […]
By Brooks Harper. To the untrained eye, beer bellies are all the same. One look at your enclosed flesh pouch generally informs the passerby that they’re in the presence of a worldly nosher; one who eternally dons their accumulating doughy mass of palatable mementos. But the fact of the matter is that these portable, jiggly receptacles of edible antiquity are more than merely physical manifestations of one’s fondness for routinely indulging in lavish libations and […]
By Rachel Glass. Look, are more people dying right now than usual? I guess so. Is there scientific evidence suggesting that people-crowded areas such as restaurants and bars are hotspots for transmitting a virus that has caused people from all around the world to temporarily sacrifice their general routines and interests in an effort to curb and reduce mortality rates? Probably. Are there ongoing civil rights protests that could make one feel guilty or ashamed […]
By Fred Manhoof. Look, I’m a man, okay? That means I pound brews, I sniff snatch, and I routinely pleasure myself by pouring scalding hot nacho cheese on my nipples while I blare Breaking Benjamin and penetrate my Vikings-colored fleshlight; it’s what we do. Now that my masculinity has been established, I gotta make a confession… Straight up, I’ve been drinking some pretty out there shit lately. I know what you’re thinking; ‘Oh Manhoof, don’t […]
By Randy Garwick. The innocence, purity, and nonpartisanship of craft beer is simple to explicate. It’s a malty elixir that’s incapable of judging any pair of lips that bestow upon its polished cylinder orifice. In fact, the very nature of its candid existence may very well serve as an inverse ideology to today’s assessment-obsessive culture, as its suddy confines beg for appraisal from any palette willing to absorb its hoppy fluidity, rather than be quick […]
When you walk through the doors at Emiction Distilling you get the feeling the world can be a better place. These are the words spoken by owner David Frothingham. You’ll usually find him with one thumb firmly hooked in his trademark rainbow suspenders, a snifter of his newest concoction in the other hand. With so many distilleries opening up and selling sub-par alcohol in highly stylized bottles, what makes Emiction so great? Why are they […]
By a twenty-two year old desperate and unpaid intern named Gabe. Hi! I’m Gabe! I’m twenty-two, desperate, broke, in serious debt (mostly student loans, but there was a brief phase of underground cockfighting I dabbled in during college that I’m not proud of and still paying off what I owe) but boy do I love music! I love music so much that I don’t even care that I don’t get paid to take time out […]
Across 1. The higher, the better 3. Sex and… 6. Best type of treasure 8. What you might have with your wife after a few High ABV Pale Ales 12. What you need to take at a brewery 14. Best kind of Pale Ale 15. The Best Kind of IPA Down 2. The Best Kind of Brewer 4. Beer ingredient or type of infection 5. Enemy of Craft Beer 7. Last name of the founder […]
Across1. The higher, the better3. Sex and…6. Best type of treasure8. What you might have with your wife after a few High ABV Pale Ales12. What you need to take at a brewery14. Best kind of Pale Ale15. The Best Kind of IPA Down2. The Best Kind of Brewer4. Beer ingredient or type of infection5. Enemy of Craft Beer7. Last name of the founder of Craft Beer. Also a famous television family9. A place perfect […]
By Tapline Staff While everyone endured their fair share of hardships during 2020, there is no denying the heavy toll the online dating singles community took on throughout this total cum-block of a year. As if it was hard enough to convince total strangers to meet up with you after an exchange of messages confirming each other’s affinity for Death Cab For Cutie, 2020 mostly eliminated the preferred setting for conducting these seductive summits fueled […]
By Sabrina Balina For a lot of us, 2020 was a year that just seemed to keep getting worse and worse as time dragged on. The defining theme for this year could be whittled down to one word: loss. We lost our jobs, we lost our friends, we lost our family, we lost our passions, hobbies, goals; we lost our overall faith in humanity. But while over 300,000 Americans lost their lives due to COVID-19 […]
By Abigail Gibson Minneapolis Mayor Jacob Frey sure was a man of many faces this year! It seemed like that little baby faced rascal was everywhere this summer. Whether it was flashing those sprightly dimples, or giving the camera a little disappointed-dad frown; you never knew what face Frey would whip up next! One of my favorite hobbies this year was cutting out Jacob Frey’s face in every newspaper I’d find it in and glue […]
By Jenny Hitherstorm When we’ll look back on the chaotic year that was 2020, one of the biggest takeaways we’ll walk away with is how many Birthday Clowns we lost this year. According to the U.S. Department of Labor, the United States endures an average of nearly 400 Birthday Clown deaths every year, citing electrocution, auto-asphyxiation, and vehicular manslaughter as the most common causes of fatality. However, 2020 saw a significant spike in Birthday Clown […]
By Conway Diddle 2020. What a year to consume massive quantities of craft beer, aye?? What a year to just lose your job, watch your marriage crumble before your very eyes, sense the loss of admiration your children once possessed toward you, and numb your pain with just about anything that has the words ‘double dry-hopped’ in the title and contains grotesquely high ABV percentages! What an incredible period of time to start a niche […]
By Abe Sizemore You’re a parent. You got bills to pay, soccer practices to drive to, disgusting finger paintings to hang on the fridge; just constant bullshit to deal with! While we’re legally obligated love our little ones, the truth is that it’s extremely difficult not to just smack these little shits sideways whenever they start balling’ their eyes out in the Long John Silvers’ dining room because they (in whining child-mocking voice) ‘don’t WANT […]
By Conway Diddle ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL??? YAAAAYYYYYY!!!! Football baby!! You got that football fever, don’t cha?? You betcha, huh?? We love the football, we love the handing off to the running back, the punts off the foot, the suspenseful unit measurements, the nachos that cost more money than usual and are just plain tortilla chips and cheese semen, the women in the purple skirts and titty costumes who shake their body parts […]
By Jimmy ‘Two Chin’ Chamberlain Prison. We all wind up there eventually. Whether it’s tampering with the neighbor’s mail, burning down daycare centers, or just committing good old fashioned manslaughter, one thing’s for sure: We sure miss our craft beer when we’re locked up behind bars. It’s unfortunate that only when we’re deprived of our favorite majestic, hoppy flavors do we really appreciate the value of our freedom to drink craft. Nothing keeps a convict […]
By Donna Dooper Winter is coming! (Game of Thrones reference) Which means ‘tis the season for staying inside, drinking beer, and watching movies because it’s too dang cold to do those things outside!! According to the National Institute of Mental Health, millions of American adults suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD… Get it?!?), and is generally more common with people living in Northern, colder climates during the winter season. General side effects for those who […]
By Ava Devana Alright gang, time for a little Drink, Chug, Fuck! The rules are simple: I give you three beers, and you gotta choose which one you wanna drink, chug, or fuck. Now I’m sure you’re reading this going, ‘Okay.. Drink, Chug, Fuck, that doesn’t sound too hard, lay it on me Ava!’ Well how bout you shut the fuck up right there and just LISTEN TO ME!!! Jesus fucking Christ, this isn’t as […]
By Frank Lippy If you’re a cool person and have had sex before, chances are you’ve probably heard of the Grammy Award-winning American Pop Rock band Imagine Dragons. They’re really catchy and they’re super into chanting. Also, if you’re a cool person who pulls in over 60K a year and has seen boobs or cocks other than your own in the past two weeks, odds are you drink craft beer. Kinda makes sense that we […]
By Helga Pataki Lemme guess. You’re an alcoholic? Yeah, me too. Sucks, right? Just fucking wish I could… Live a normal life, you know?! Like… Fucking go for a walk, or read a book, or cook something other than Cheeseburger Hot Pockets. But I can’t… Cause I’m always fucking drunk as shit. Everyday I wake up, hit the Peach Schnapps, pour some Stoli Raz into a coffee thermos, take the bus to work, talk to […]
By Lance Sampson OOOOOOOOOOH YEEEEAAAAAAAAAAH, ALONE BEER CRUSHING TIME!!! AOW AOW!!! HONKA HONKA!!! AAARRRROOOOOOGGGGGGAAAAAH!!! Mmm, fuck yeah, I dunno about you guys, but I fucking LOVE crushing beers alone. Just cracking open a sampler pack, tilting your head back, opening up your throat, and letting that ice cold, hoppy goodness cascade its way down your throat, like an edible waterfall that fucks you up, AOW AOW!!!! FUCK ME, JESUS CHRIST, THAT’S WHAT I LIVE FOR!!!! […]
By Shelley Mullenberg Dating. It’s fun, right?! We whip out our phones, we click on our apps, we swipe through pictures of people, contemplate whether we’d fuck ‘em or not, decide we would fuck them, we match, we message, we meet up, we chit chat, then, you know… We either bang ‘em, or we don’t! You never know what can happen, right? But hey! That’s why it’s fun! Banging strangers, then just going about our […]
By Tanner Jankum Bars, breweries, the St. Louis Park Chili’s where Tiffany bartends on Tuesday, Thursday, and Sunday nights; nothing beats hanging out in a lively environment, sipping some suds with your buds, and simply soaking in a vibrant ambiance. But is it really the tap beer lineup that keeps us coming back for more? Do you honestly think it’s the boneless mango habanero wings that keep calling your name to the Buffalo Wild Wings […]
By Tapline Staff. As we find ourselves nearing the conclusion of the dog days of what can only be described as one-giant-kidney-stone-of-a-summer, us craft connoisseurs have had to be craftier than ever when it comes to seeking solace with the sudsy elixir we commonly refer to as ‘beer’. Distant seem the times where we’d gather by the dozen and rejoice our affection toward the divine creation of this yeast-fermented malty concoction, replaced by the mandated […]
By Conway Diddle. Ahh, beer. Nothing quite like it, aye? You love beer, we love beer, that’s why we devote countless time and energy into writing about it, and you allocate precious money and effort into consuming and researching it. So who fucking gives a shit if some random brewery starts paying us to promote some of their under-selling beers on our influential media platform? Hmm? I mean, win-win, right? We get a little cold […]
By Linda Bloomie. It’s no secret that 2020 has been one of the most, if not the most, devastating, taxing, and traumatizing years in American history. The term ‘unprecedented’ fails to even capture how trying it’s been for us citizens to navigate our ways through a global pandemic, civil uprising, and the postponement of James Taylor and Jackson Browne’s world tour. But while Americans of all walks of life have been impacted by the instabilities […]
By Tapline Staff. We here at The Tapline go to great lengths to label ourselves as the craft connoisseurs you’ve come to know and trust. It takes a lot of time, energy, and money to overly consume all the beer produced by the hundreds of microbreweries located all around the state, all in an effort to provide our readers with the most authoritative, esteemed, and respected voice on all things craft beer. We tend to […]
By Kenny Kimball. David Lewis – Bombastic Brewing “Yeah, shit’s pretty crazy right now, that’s for sure. I don’t know, seems like things are getting pretty crazy out there, huh? Yeah… Damn.” Dave Witherspoon – Hoops Brewing “I think no matter who you are, we’re all going through tough times right now. But I think if we all just hang in there and ride this thing through, um… Better.. Better days are on the horizon, […]
By Brooks Harper. To the untrained eye, beer bellies are all the same. One look at your enclosed flesh pouch generally informs the passerby that they’re in the presence of a worldly nosher; one who eternally dons their accumulating doughy mass of palatable mementos. But the fact of the matter is that these portable, jiggly receptacles of edible antiquity are more than merely physical manifestations of one’s fondness for routinely indulging in lavish libations and […]
By Rachel Glass. Look, are more people dying right now than usual? I guess so. Is there scientific evidence suggesting that people-crowded areas such as restaurants and bars are hotspots for transmitting a virus that has caused people from all around the world to temporarily sacrifice their general routines and interests in an effort to curb and reduce mortality rates? Probably. Are there ongoing civil rights protests that could make one feel guilty or ashamed […]
By Fred Manhoof. Look, I’m a man, okay? That means I pound brews, I sniff snatch, and I routinely pleasure myself by pouring scalding hot nacho cheese on my nipples while I blare Breaking Benjamin and penetrate my Vikings-colored fleshlight; it’s what we do. Now that my masculinity has been established, I gotta make a confession… Straight up, I’ve been drinking some pretty out there shit lately. I know what you’re thinking; ‘Oh Manhoof, don’t […]
By Randy Garwick. The innocence, purity, and nonpartisanship of craft beer is simple to explicate. It’s a malty elixir that’s incapable of judging any pair of lips that bestow upon its polished cylinder orifice. In fact, the very nature of its candid existence may very well serve as an inverse ideology to today’s assessment-obsessive culture, as its suddy confines beg for appraisal from any palette willing to absorb its hoppy fluidity, rather than be quick […]
When you walk through the doors at Emiction Distilling you get the feeling the world can be a better place. These are the words spoken by owner David Frothingham. You’ll usually find him with one thumb firmly hooked in his trademark rainbow suspenders, a snifter of his newest concoction in the other hand. With so many distilleries opening up and selling sub-par alcohol in highly stylized bottles, what makes Emiction so great? Why are they […]
By a twenty-two year old desperate and unpaid intern named Gabe. Hi! I’m Gabe! I’m twenty-two, desperate, broke, in serious debt (mostly student loans, but there was a brief phase of underground cockfighting I dabbled in during college that I’m not proud of and still paying off what I owe) but boy do I love music! I love music so much that I don’t even care that I don’t get paid to take time out […]
View the artistic contributions directly from our craft beer community – Próst!
Try your hand at our Craft Crosswords, created by your very own Tapline Staff.