By Kenny Kimball.

David Lewis – Bombastic Brewing

“Yeah, shit’s pretty crazy right now, that’s for sure. I don’t know, seems like things are getting pretty crazy out there, huh? Yeah… Damn.” 

Dave Witherspoon – Hoops Brewing 

“I think no matter who you are, we’re all going through tough times right now. But I think if we all just hang in there and ride this thing through, um… Better.. Better days are on the horizon, you know?”  

Caleb Andrews – Truck If You Buck Brewing 

“Ugh, yeah, what a shitty year, huh? Like, COVID, those cops, Tenet’s release date getting delayed, yeeesh, right? Fucking… Yeah, shit sucks.” 

Andrew Calebs – Ol’ Abigale Brewing

“Yeah, definitely read about some stuff that happened this year, what a shame. Luckily I have my trusty ol’ giant fermenter Abigale here to keep me company during these dire times.” 

Casey – Casey Brewing

“I am Casey.” 

Brandon Duckworth – Rat In Cage Brewing

“Dude, it’s all bullshit, c’mon! It’s like… (sips imperial IPA) Do you even know anyone who has gotten it yet? Seriously?? And you know they’re fucking inflating the death count and shit, and, like, ooooo, one hundred thousand elderly fucks are dead, oh no, boo hoo, like c’mon! All these cucks wearing masks to Whole Foods and shit, so dumb dude. All these millennial liberals, their white guilt, being all fuck tweleve and protesting and shit, like… (gulps imperial IPA) I hate cops, right? Like, sure! But, like… You know, like.. Say I run into your house and shoot you, right? Or wait, like.. No, yeah, say I run into your house and shoot you, like.. What would you do?? If there were no cops, what would you do? You know?? Like… (finishes imperial IPA) God, fucking idiots!!”  

Samuel Wittington – Meat & Potatoes Brewing

“Well… It’s all for me grog, me jolly ol’ grog, all for me beer and tobacco, well I spent all me tin on the ladies drinkin’ gin, across the western ocean I will wander! Well, it’s all for me boots, me noggin ol’ boots, gone for me beer and tobacco! Well the heels are worn out, and the toes are kicked about, and the sole is lookin’ for better weather! Oooooh, ah whitey die-die, ah whitey die-doo, me pearls, they glisten and hither! With a jolly good grog, you’ll see through the fog, and the snakes of the old land will slither!!”

Mel Gibbs – Peek-A-Boo Brewing

“I’m really lonely. Won’t you come to my brewery? Please? My brewery might go out of business if you don’t come to my brewery. I’m sad. Please come to my brewery. I could be your best friend or your worst enemy. It’s up to you.” 

Ron Biddlesbee – Busy Bee Brewing 

“Aaaarrggghhh, I’m so angry!!! Everybody’s so stupid and dumb and not smart like me!!! I’m a pristine example of what a little hard work and positive attitude can help you achieve in life! Look at me! I’m the owner of a brewery! You think I got here sitting on my ass, collecting unemployment, looting Sam Goody, and sharing memes on the Internet?? YOU ALL MAKE ME SICK!!! I’M RON BIDDLESBEE GODDAMNIT, I AM THE AMERICAN DREAM!!! BOW DOWN TO BIDDLESBEE!!! I AM YOUR GOD!!! FUCK, I JUST POO POO’D IN MY LITTLE BREWERY ONESY UNIFORM BECAUSE OF HOW STUPID EVERYBODY IS, AAARGGGHH!!! YOU MADE ME DO THIS!!!!”

Chase Jackson – Action Jackson Brewery

“Honestly, this year’s been great for me. Been doing a lot of self reflecting, you know? Really trying to get in touch with the inner me, the real me. Been working out a lot, that’s been great. Been getting into a ton of new hobbies, that’s been fun. Oh, and cooking, been cooking a ton, lots of recipes, it’s been great. Reading a lot of books, yeah. It’s amazing, you know, everybody’s all worried and freaking out or whatever, but in reality, everybody should be using this time to better themselves, you know? Really bums me out that everyone’s not utilizing this period of total chaos and sheer insanity to learn a new language, or take up knitting, or going for a run, or kayaking, or whatever.”

Adam Levy – Levy Breaks Brewing

“Yeah, nothing bad that’s been happening really affects me, so… I dunno, things are pretty chill for me I guess. I miss bars, but.. Yeah, I dunno, The Last of Us Two was pretty sweet.” 

Chad Peters – Boom Boom Brewing

“I’m not gay.” 

Marcus Linston – Urban Sidewalk Brewing

“It feels like the most crucial moment of my life, maybe even the most important period in the history of our country. I mean, it’s finally dawning on me that I, Marcus, a cis white male, actively contribute to the oppression of all minority groups that populate this country, simply through my participation in society with my own, personal racial and gender status. I hope that through all this tragedy and reflection that has taken place in the United States this year, we as a society can move forward with an understanding that the status quo needs to be overthrown, and that moving forward, people of all walks of life need to be accounted for and listened to, so we can try to come close to achieving a state of equality that us American Caucasians have been erroneously claiming this country to have been since its inception. That’s why I’m voting for Joe Biden in November.”